Yesterday, my husband and I spent the morning cleaning and preparing to host lunch for our mothers on Sunday! It has sort of become tradition for us to host our mom’s for lunch on Mother’s Day.
As I crawled into bed, slightly more exhausted than usual, my mind began to wonder and I found myself restless and full of questions… had things worked out according to “our plan,” I would be a momma and this may have been my first real mother’s day celebration. Tears flowed down my cheeks as that ping and pain in my heart ached so badly. I admit, I felt stupid for feeling this way and thought that the fulfillment I have felt these past couple of months in our foster care journey, would have filled the void I was once again feeling. After all, we are in process and in essence expecting, although we know not what to expect! There I was in bed and for the first time in a long time I felt my heard break a little more. I did the only thing I knew to do… I began to pray. Although I know that some may look down at falling asleep while praying, last night I found comfort in knowing I was talking to my Savior, my constant friend in times of need and would like to think that He held me in His arms and rocked me to sleep.
I awoke this morning with a different attitude and change in thought. It was not me with the void, rather these children. Yes, my heart breaks because of my deep desire to be a mom, but that feeling is nothing in comparison to a child in need of a mother!
I can’t imagine growing up without my mom. She made everything in life special! She loved, supported, encouraged, and disciplined me when needed. She had the full support of my father and our home was a place of love. Looking back, I feel blessed that God chose my parents for me and my two brothers. I never questioned whether I belonged, if I was loved and where my next meal was coming from. I never questioned my mother or father’s love for me and never worried that my every need would be met!
This year there are more than 104,000 children in the U.S. who are waiting on forever and there are more than a half a million waiting in the world! These children have no “permanent” momma. Those in the US are mainly housed in foster homes and the remaining children are in group homes or facilities that meet their special needs in a better way. Gone are the days of orphanages in our country and for good reason. While orphanages served their purpose, they did not entirely meet the individual needs of children. Rarely if ever did they meet the need for attachment and love within the confines of the orphanage.
Outside of the U.S. waiting children are housed in orphanages and it is often a large child to caregiver ratio, where the most basic of needs beyond food, shelter, and clothing aren’t being met. I should note, that I do believe that in most cases, these children are cared for by those that work or volunteer at the orphanages and the intentions are really good, but there is power in one and power in meeting needs beyond food, shelter and clothing!
So today, instead of wallowing in my own sorrow of not yet being a mom, I choose to celebrate the amazing strength, love, and care that our moms gave us. I choose to be grateful that both my husband and I are blessed by the gift of our mothers and that we are privileged to be called into this foster care journey!
Today, we honored all of the children waiting on forever with prayers and an awareness ribbon pinned to our clothing! We took comfort in the fact that over the next couple of weeks we will continue in our process to becoming foster parents and know, that even if in a small way, we are attempting to make a difference… if for only a moment!
Proverbs 31:26-29 ~ She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches of the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.
Psalm 46:1 ~ God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.